Gone are the days when making a baby alone meant starting with uncomfortable and expensive in-clinic procedures like IUI or IVF. Yes, some of those medical interventions may become a necessary part of the experience. However, it is no longer the default first resort. Today, women bravely starting a family on their own terms have a private and safe method they can try alone and at home first.
If you’re asking how to get yourself pregnant without a man, we’ve got you covered.
The Basics
As a woman who experienced the full range of medical poking and prodding when I was struggling with unexplained infertility, I think it’s 100% worth it to get a few basic screenings and tests done in consultation with your GP or gynecologist before you try at home insemination.
These may include:
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Blood work to measure hormone levels and fundamentals of physical health
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Urine tests that provide information about your ovulation window
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Pelvic exams and ultrasounds to evaluate the physical health of your sexual organs
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Other tests specific to your health history and genetics
Knowing When to Try
You’ve probably read online that there are several “windows” or phases you need to consider when trying to conceive, most notably, when you’re ovulating.
Your fertility/fertile/ovulation window lasts approximately 3 days, and it’s when your egg is most likely to be released into the fallopian tube. Ovulation is the 24 hours (ish) when the egg is released. You have the highest chances of getting pregnant during this time.
You can use various methods to determine your fertility window and predict when you are most likely to ovulate. Most women find success using a simple at-home tool like PherDal’s ovulation workbook. This journal equips you with all the information you need to identify the physiological details of your cycle and methodically track them over time to zero in on the most likely moment when your body is ready to conceive.
Being successful is about understanding the process and creating the best opportunity possible for your body.
Purchasing Sperm or Using a Donor
Donor Sperm
A donor should be in good health, and ideally, tested to ensure they have a reasonable sperm count and don’t have any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or infections (STIs). Also, you’ll want to get that sample as close to the moment as possible; be prepared to have it collected and brought to you within an hour or produced on the premises.
If you’re using a chosen donor, make sure you have a lawyer draw up a contract for how involved (or not) you want this person to be in the child’s life. Protecting yourself legally and medically needs to be taken very seriously during this process. The law can be a complicated subject, and you’ll want to back your investment with an unambiguous statement of everyone’s intentions.
Frozen Samples
Many people choose to purchase a frozen sperm sample from an accredited FDA-cleared tissue donation company, which can be thawed at room temperature or in the refrigerator. Once it’s defrosted, you’ll need to use it within an hour as sperm doesn’t survive for very long outside the body.
This option will cost you between $300-$1500 per sample. The most effective ICI kit gives you three completely sterile attempts to make sure you cover every moment when you’re most likely ovulating, and that means purchasing three individual samples.
Other Considerations
With either method, it’s strongly recommended that genetic testing and genetic counseling be performed. For example, if you and the donor are both carriers of a rare disease (meaning you don’t have the disease but can pass it on to your offspring), then the odds are that 1 in 4 of your child might have it. These odds go up if it’s related to the X or Y sex chromosomes.
Also, regardless of whether you have a chosen donor (such as a close friend) or a sperm bank donation, an insemination kit can work for you; these kits also work well for couples using a surrogate.
Choosing Your ICI Kit
The last piece of the at-home insemination puzzle is picking an ICI kit that gives you the best possible chance of success. You’ve probably noticed that there are several options on the market, and they can vary wildly in price. Well, when it comes to ICI kits, you tend to get what you pay for.
Contents
Any kit you buy will give you between one and three needleless syringes and collection cups. Ideally, you’ll want to get three so you can cover your predicted ovulation date and one day on either side, just in case.
Many kits on the market use off-the-shelf syringes that kinda/sorta seem to be a believable length from your vaginal opening to your cervix. All of these ill-conceived (oops) products can be hard to use and highly inefficient delivery systems. In most cases, they’re hardly any better than basic intercourse.
Finally, the top options are designed with your internal structure in mind and can actually outperform the male member. Now…this might not take much, but these carefully designed industry standouts bring the sperm all the way to your cervix and actually push it through the opening to flood your body with up to 10 times more reproductive material than a typical ejaculation.
Health and Safety Standards
The vast majority of ICI kits on the market are unhygienic, inefficient, unreliable, and underperform at the critical moment—probably like most penises you’ve met. It’s a sad state of affairs, but every single ICI brand on the market except one has taken zero steps to ensure the tools you’re inserting into your body are free of bacteria, warehouse dust, chemicals, and god knows what else they pick up from the factory floor to the point of sale.
In fact, new legislation has ensured that all kits have to be FDA-cleared, but some unscrupulous manufacturers are actually paying fines to sell their products cheaper rather than pay for certification. Is that a travesty of women’s health? Yep. That’s why I made sure that PherDal’s ICI kit was FDA-cleared and 100% guaranteed sterile right up to the moment you use it.
The Moment
Finally. You’ve done your homework, assembled your materials, and you’re ready to make this happen. Find a comfortable area in your house, put your defrosted or collected sample in the sterile cup, and draw it up with the syringe. Sit or lay down, insert it to the back of your vagina, press the plunger, and you’re done! Relax for fifteen minutes, and hopefully everything worked!
You’ll be doing this once a day for three days in a row if you’ve got a great kit, but the process is always the same.
I wish I could tell you all this hard work means you made it, and I sincerely hope it does. But we’re all living our own stories. For some, the first time’s the charm, and for all of us—myself included—this is a first, powerful step toward taking control of your future and discovering your one-of-a-kind path.
Whatever your journey looks like, we’re here for it.
