If you’ve been trying to conceive for a while, you’ve probably heard more unsolicited advice than you ever thought possible.
“Just relax.”
“When it’s meant to be, it’ll be.”
“Have you tried [insert latest diet trend]?”
“Lose a little weight and it’ll happen.”
That last one stings. Not just because it’s personal, but because for so many people with a higher BMI, it’s the first–and sometimes only–thing doctors focus on when it comes to fertility. Even if every other test comes back normal. Even if there are dozens of other possible causes for why you aren’t getting pregnant, some people don’t see past your weight.
I know, because I’ve been there.
After a year of trying, I went to a fertility doctor hoping for answers. He glanced at my chart, looked me up and down, and said:
“Well… you’re chubby.”
That was it. That was the grand medical insight. Now, don’t get me wrong - I know not all doctors are like this. This doctor clearly lacked some bedside manners training. However, it was hurtful to finally get the courage to go to the doctor, fearing I would be fat-shamed and then having my worst fears come true. This comment is also why it’s so important to find those great doctors who won’t treat you according to the number on the scale.
It turns out it wasn’t my weight. I was pregnant two months later without changing a single thing about my body or lifestyle. But the comment stuck. And I’ve since learned I’m far from alone, studies show the obesity stigma is real, and it can actually lead to increased obesity.
Why weight gets all the attention
Yes, science tells us that weight can play a role in fertility. Excess fat can affect hormones, ovulation, and even sperm health. Pregnancy risks, like gestational diabetes, can also be higher. Those facts are real.
But here’s the problem: when weight becomes the default explanation, doctors sometimes stop looking for anything else. It’s the medical equivalent of saying, “Case closed,” when in reality, the case is just getting started.
This bias isn’t just frustrating– it can delay diagnosis of real, serious conditions like:
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PCOS
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Endometriosis
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Uterine fibroids
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Genetic conditions
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And of course… the maddening category of unexplained infertility
And while gentle lifestyle changes can be helpful for overall health, research shows they don’t guarantee improved fertility outcomes for people with higher BMIs. In other words, “just lose weight” is not a magic fix.
The danger of being dismissed
When doctors see your body before they see you, you can feel invisible. If you’re like me, you leave the appointment feeling ashamed and that if you just had more willpower, you could be a mother. Which for me, led to emotional eating and a shame spiral.
What I wanted was support. What I–and scientists like me–know is that obesity has been proven to be a disease. The success of GLP-1 medications like Ozempic has proven that obesity is not about willpower, it’s about your biology.
So please read this line as many times as you need to: It’s not your fault.
Your fertility journey deserves thorough, compassionate, and bias-free care– no matter your size. And if you’re not getting it, you have every right to ask for more tests, seek a second opinion, or find a provider who sees you as the whole human, not the outside shell.
Why “one-size-fits-all” medicine doesn’t work
Infertility is complex. Every body is different, every story is different. And while IVF and IUI can be incredible tools, they aren’t the first (or only) option for everyone.
For some people, taking a more hands-on approach at home can be empowering. That’s how my partner and I eventually found our way forward. Through intracervical insemination (ICI), we could increase our chances of conception at home, ourselves, in our own space. This also meant we conceived without the emotional weight of another dismissive doctor’s visit, where I would be called “chubby”.
How PherDal fits in
PherDal’s ICI kit is designed for every body. It’s the only 100% sterile, FDA-cleared at-home ICI kit, giving you a way to boost your chances of getting pregnant in the privacy of your own bedroom.
It works by placing sperm right at the cervix– just an inch shy of what an IUI does in a clinic, which offers a higher success rate than intercourse alone, without the invasive process or the hefty price tag.
And because it’s sterile and designed to protect your vaginal microbiome, you can focus on what matters: increasing your odds every cycle, regardless of your weight, diagnosis, or relationship status.
You are not your BMI
Fatphobia has no place in fertility care– or in any kind of care for that matter. Your worth is not measured in pounds or percentages. Science has proven this has nothing to do with your willpower, and your right to try for a family is not conditional.
If you’ve ever walked out of a clinic feeling unseen, unheard, or shamed, I want you to hear this loud and clear:
Your body is worthy. Your story matters. And there is hope. Hope that doesn’t require you to shrink yourself before you can begin.
PherDal is here for the you that exists right now. The whole you.
